Google your alter egos

Ever look up your name on Google? Tip: use only your first name and last name, surrounded by quotes:

"Sam Thornton"

Chances are, you'll come up with hundreds of hits. These are your alter egos (kind of). Here are some of my alter egos' activities (with one exception, none of these are anything I've ever done):

Cardiopulmonary Services Director
Chief Agronomist at bat guano factory
Bit player in two TV soap operas
Recently came in fifth in bridge tournament
Fictitious criminal in law student exam (maybe I can sue them)
Circulated petition to stamp out morons (first victim)
Came in second in rodeo calf tiedown (9.960 seconds)
Play baritone saxophone
Potato scientist
Spiritual teacher once "...frightened my ego senseless."
Played golf a couple of years ago, only lost one ball
Came in fifth in 5K race
Threw 10 strikeouts and drove in winning run for Yankees

I'm going to quit now. This is already way better than my real resume.